My Invisible Sanctuary.

Assalamualaikum.

First of all, I would like to apologize to everyone who knows me because I created this invisible sanctuary of mine and I tend to live comfortably in it now. In fact, I might be too comfortable living in my own bubble that I may have hurt several people that I know, including this one person who haven't contacted me for months because she thought I abandoned her and I got tired of her blaming me for not caring enough. Yeah, we fought about this matter for several times already. So, we decided that it would be better if we just stopped the relationship for good.

I am sorry that I couldn't make some people understand, how sometimes I enjoy this solitude. I am sorry that sometimes I avoid calls or meetings, or even confrontations with people. I am sorry for the late replies, or for missing randomly or if I said my goodbye too early. I am sorry that I find it hard to express anything about myself to anyone because I have the thought that it is not important enough. My stories are not important enough. I am sorry that some people were hurt with my actions of not contacting them for days or weeks or months. I am sorry that you feel like I am abandoning you, when in fact is I really don't. I am the kind of person who would randomly get out of my sanctuary and greet you like nothing ever happened because the place I am hiding is timeless and I thought when I get myself out of it, people would still remember me like the last time they did. But everything comes with a consequence, don't they? As much as I hope people would understand how I sometimes enjoy this solitude, I shall make myself understand if people loathe me for being that way and decide to abandon me.

Not many years ago I stopped trying to make people understand. I chose to live my own life and let things go with the flow. My gate is open for anyone to come and leave. So the ones who choose to stay, alhamdulillah, I am thankful enough that they are able to accept me the way I am. If they decide to leave, it's alright. They can always come back if they choose to. And I already have a few friends who are patient enough to bear with this attitude of mine and still love me and layan me when I randomly tell them I miss them and I start a random conversation out of nowhere hahaha. Sorry and thank you <3

All in all, forgive me for being a hardcore introvert and please note that I don't have the thought of changing this attitude, at least not now. Let me tell you this little secret of mine ― I am quite a loner sometimes and I am very comfortable being one.

“Solitude matters, and for some people, it's the air they breathe” ― Susan Cain