Average.

"Just be the person you’ve been waiting for. Live your life as if you are the love of it. Because that’s the only thing you know for sure – that through every triumph, every failure, every fear and every gain that you will ever experience until the day you die, you are going to be present. You are going to be the person who shows up to accept your rewards. You are going to be the person who holds your own hand when you’re broken. You are going to be the person who gets yourself up off the floor every time you get knocked down and if those things are not love-of-your-life qualities, I don’t know what are."

There are times that I worry that I am never good enough for everyone. I try to be as much as I can be, but I can't help but think that I am never enough. I am not kind enough, I am not beautiful enough, I am not generous enough, I am not religious enough, I am not meaningful enough. I am a passerby in others' lives. I am the sidekick of every story. The average person who does everything accordingly, but never enough to make people remember her forever. That kind of thought. Sometimes I even worry that people are never going to notice me. That I will not end up settling down with a significant other and have family like normal people do, because I am an average, unnoticeable person who comes and goes in everyone's life. Nothing extraordinary. 

 

When the thoughts hit me, I pretend to be the most complete person. I pretend to be the happiest, calmest, ain't-nothing-gonna-stop-me kind of person when deep down I am scared and messed up.  I continue being the average person who'd help and keep things checked so that people can continue to live life and meet other people who are just more amazing and more complete and more lovable. That's how I handle things. By pretending that everything is okay and keep going.

After sometime, I noticed that that's who I am. That's what I do. I am okay with being that way. It's not wrong to be average. I can be the average person to everyone else and move on and do things I love for myself. I am enough to my family, and to my closest friends. It's enough. It's enough to feel complete by being surrounded with things I have, and love. I don't need to be enough for everyone. I just have to live life at my own pace.

I am that usual blueish sky you see everyday when you commute to work, or continue living your daily errand. I am that usual starry night sky that you may or may not notice on your way home. I am that bunga tepi jalan that you may or may not notice during your walk to class. I am that tree that you sit under to seek for shelter when it's raining, and continue to move on when the rain stops. I am that one book in between all of the thousands books in the library, for you to use when needed. I am all the things you see everyday, and I may or may not mean anything to you, but one thing for sure, I have my own purpose. And The One up there knows what my purpose is, and what am I doing everyday to serve my purpose. That's enough :)

Love.

Mitch Albom - The First Phone Call from Heaven

"Demi Masa! Sesungguhnya manusia itu berada dalam kerugian. Kecuali orang-orang yang beriman dan beramal soleh, dan mereka pula berpesan-pesan dengan kebenaran serta berpesan-pesan dengan sabar." (103: 1-3)

Dulu saya meletakkan cinta dalam satu sudutnya yang tersendiri, tidak bercampur dengan mana-mana unsur kehidupan yang lain. Saya anggap manusia yang sentiasa bergantung kepada cinta itu lemah. Alangkah silapnya saya, bilamana sebenarnya kebergantungan kepada cinta adalah rukun untuk kelangsungan hidup.

Setiap tindakan yang terzahir adalah atas dasar cinta. Iman dan amal seseorang, adalah kerana cintanya kepada tuhannya. When you're in love, the feeling is overwhelming that you want to spread it to other people as well. Because God knows how beautiful it feels if we are able to express our love blatantly. Dengan cinta, kita mampu berpesan dengan kebenaran, dan kesabaran. Because the love is worth it.

Saya mula belajar merasai setiap nikmat cinta yang ada, dari segenap sudut. Saya mula belajar meletakkan cinta pada setiap perkara yang saya lakukan, dengan harapan cinta itu mampu membuahkan keikhlasan. Namun menjadi fitrah manusia, setiap perkara itu terbatas. Maka saya juga sedang belajar untuk tidak meletakkan kerisauan yang melampau atas setiap perkara yang saya tidak mampu cintai, selagi mana hidup saya masih berlandaskan syariah. Kita manusia, kita tak boleh ada semua, kan? Tapi bercintalah setakat yang ada, dan bercintalah semahunya <3

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Be in love with Allah and the Prophet Muhammad s.a.w. Being in love with something you haven't met is totally possible. Be in love with the life of the hereafter, the true and eternal destination. Be in love with the Quran, because it is a complete guidance to survive this life. 

Be in love with yourself. Be in love with the life you're living, because everything that is happening, the good and the bad, every success and failure, makes you who you are. Be in love with your ideas, thoughts, imagination. 

Be in love with your parents for everything that they've done for you, even the smallest things. Their faces, their daily rants and conversation, their seemingly never-ending life lecture, the favourite dishes they made for you when you come home after a long time being far away. 

Be in love with the nature or even the surrounding environment. Be in love with the colours of the sky, the moon and stars, the rain, the falling leaves, the calming green scenery. Be in love with the pile of books you have, the dishes you make, the cakes you bake, your favourite tudung or clothes that makes you look good, the bed, your home.

Be in love with the people around you. The one that teases you everyday, the one that doesn't text you for weeks or months yet will remember to tell you they love you or miss you from time to time and you know they mean it.The one that makes you laugh. The one that makes you feel loved. The one that makes things better even for a short while. The one that understands you, even in your silence.

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Be in love, for God's sake. And love truly, with one thing to bear in mind - innalillahi wainnailaihi raji'un - everything that you love is His to begin with. Therefore it is important to love Him utmost, so that you know that everything that is taken from you will be returned to The One you love most. And everything that is under His care, is in a good care :)

Saki-baki Kekuatan untuk Jiwa yang Memerlukan.

I know that this road seems lonely.

I know that it is hard admitting to yourself that you've failed. 

I know that each day is a struggle to convince yourself that life is worth living.

I know that you are trying hard to count every blessing in your life.

I know that you've been holding on hardly to those little things that keep you going on daily basis.

I know that in the current situation, 'someday' to you, almost doesn't exist.

I know that it is hard when people think you're doing fine because you are externally happy.

I know it is hard to explain all the depressing thoughts you've been thinking because it is unlike your usual self.

I know that each and every positive word you see have a huge meaning to you because you need it desperately to save your heart.

I know that sometimes all the life advice that you give is for your own's sake, it is for you to have something to believe in.

***

To the person who feels broken beyond repair,

The One who creates you, He has an infinite number of ways to repair you. After all, wouldn't a creator know everything about his creation?

The feeling of being a total failure in life? You're certainly wrong. You're someone's daughter/son. You're someone's sister/brother. You're someone's friend. Reminisce the moment when they call your name for help, the moment when they tell you stories because you listen, the moment when they ask you something because you're knowledgeable on that particular thing. You are absolutely needed. You have something good in you and that's amazing. You don't call that a failure.

You continue living despite of all the things you have to go through. That, is a sign of bravery.  

Those little blessings each day that you count, keep them coming. Those are the things that are going to fill the void in your heart. For you to have a bigger heart, for you to be whole and more beautiful than ever.

That 'someday' you're waiting for? If you're patient enough, that 'someday' certainly exist in Jannah.

If you're feeling worthless, remember that our Prophet Muhammad s.a.w prayed for you. He asked for Allah's forgiveness on your behalf. If he, Muhammad – Allah's beloved prophet – loves you, why couldn't you love yourself?

So which of the favours of the Lord would you deny?