Lepas.

Bilamana kita membuka dan membiarkan hati untuk merasa sekecil-kecil perasaan, 'ruang' dalam hati kita akan jadi lebih luas terhampar, dasarnya lebih jauh ke dalam, dan puncaknya lebih menggunung tinggi. Terkadang kelebihan 'ruang' ini dianggap segelintir orang sebagai beban, kerana bersama-sama kebahagiaan, segala perasaan yang kita tak mahu ada juga diserap masuk ke dalam ruang itu tanpa mampu kita kawal. Seringkali perasaan 'hitam' ini lebih menghantui hari-hari kita, lalu ada orang yang membuat keputusan untuk dikebaskan hatinya, biar kejung tak rasa apa-apa.

Silapnya, keterbukaan dan ruang itu sendiri adalah satu anugerah. Anugerah untuk kita lebih berupaya melihat kebaikan-kebaikan kecil yang berlaku dalam hidup seharian yang dipandang enteng manusia lain. Melihat peluang-peluang kecil yang dibiarkan tak berusik oleh manusia lain. Peluang-peluang kecil itu, bukankah pemberian tuhan juga?



Jom, belajar melepaskan :)

Average.

"Just be the person you’ve been waiting for. Live your life as if you are the love of it. Because that’s the only thing you know for sure – that through every triumph, every failure, every fear and every gain that you will ever experience until the day you die, you are going to be present. You are going to be the person who shows up to accept your rewards. You are going to be the person who holds your own hand when you’re broken. You are going to be the person who gets yourself up off the floor every time you get knocked down and if those things are not love-of-your-life qualities, I don’t know what are."

There are times that I worry that I am never good enough for everyone. I try to be as much as I can be, but I can't help but think that I am never enough. I am not kind enough, I am not beautiful enough, I am not generous enough, I am not religious enough, I am not meaningful enough. I am a passerby in others' lives. I am the sidekick of every story. The average person who does everything accordingly, but never enough to make people remember her forever. That kind of thought. Sometimes I even worry that people are never going to notice me. That I will not end up settling down with a significant other and have family like normal people do, because I am an average, unnoticeable person who comes and goes in everyone's life. Nothing extraordinary. 

 

When the thoughts hit me, I pretend to be the most complete person. I pretend to be the happiest, calmest, ain't-nothing-gonna-stop-me kind of person when deep down I am scared and messed up.  I continue being the average person who'd help and keep things checked so that people can continue to live life and meet other people who are just more amazing and more complete and more lovable. That's how I handle things. By pretending that everything is okay and keep going.

After sometime, I noticed that that's who I am. That's what I do. I am okay with being that way. It's not wrong to be average. I can be the average person to everyone else and move on and do things I love for myself. I am enough to my family, and to my closest friends. It's enough. It's enough to feel complete by being surrounded with things I have, and love. I don't need to be enough for everyone. I just have to live life at my own pace.

I am that usual blueish sky you see everyday when you commute to work, or continue living your daily errand. I am that usual starry night sky that you may or may not notice on your way home. I am that bunga tepi jalan that you may or may not notice during your walk to class. I am that tree that you sit under to seek for shelter when it's raining, and continue to move on when the rain stops. I am that one book in between all of the thousands books in the library, for you to use when needed. I am all the things you see everyday, and I may or may not mean anything to you, but one thing for sure, I have my own purpose. And The One up there knows what my purpose is, and what am I doing everyday to serve my purpose. That's enough :)